


off-road

by minjisung



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Oh and more angst, That's it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-01 18:30:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16289582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minjisung/pseuds/minjisung
Summary: It was those moments when he looked like he wanted to kiss him.And those moments when he almost wanted him to go for it.





	off-road

**Author's Note:**

> **song:** [off-road by pentagon](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATZVS11Qwrs)  
>  inspired by jisung writing off minho as his "destined soulmate"  
> i dedicate this to all the gays who were in love with their best friend & didn't want to strain the relationship.

_"I'm seeing someone."_

Even though Minho had always encouraged Jisung that he’d find someone of his own who was deserving of everything he was, and everything he had to offer, he never really thought about what would happen the day his best friend would tell him that he’d finally found someone who loved him, and that he could love in return. Minho thought it would be simple enough, that he’d feel happy for Jisung and congratulate him, because that was what best friends did, but all he could do was stand there and wonder why he couldn’t bring himself to utter those simple words.

“Minho?” came Jisung's rough voice, eyebrows furrowed in the way they usually do when he was worried about him, like those numerous times he’d show up unannounced at his door, all bad mood and brooding, when he’d take him into his arms and comfort him, when he’d feel that he would be able to go on another day just because he was beside him. “Say something.”

In return for those times, he gave him a smile.

Though, for whatever reason, he couldn’t get it to be sincere.

“It's about time.” he managed to speak after what feels like hours, and it had meant to come out with his usual joking tone, but Minho's voice was devoid of emotion, and he’d said it so low that he was sure the word had gone unheard. Taking a deep breath, he once again forced the corners of his lips up, and spoke for a second time. “That's good for you, Jisung.”

His efforts to hide the bitter resentment in his voice had gone in vain.

They've known each other for so long that he could tell by the look in his eyes that he had seen right through him, and, really, he should have seen it coming. Although Minho had always been good at hiding his truest emotions, for some twisted reason brought onto him by fate, he could never do that with Jisung. He's like an electric shock lie detector, and Minho's fingers are numb with dishonesty.

"What's the matter?" It's amazing how a simple two-word question could shoot his heart with unimaginable pain.

It's unfair.

He's unfair.

He _hates_ the idea of making Jisung worry, especially when the problem could easily be resolved if he didn't act like a total asshole. How many times has he told his friend to put himself out there, that he has the world as his oyster and he's nothing less than a pearl, and that he just has patiently wait for a hot hunk of a pearl farmer.

"Nothing's wrong." Minho scoffs, playfully bumping against his shoulders, settling in front of him all the while avoiding eye contact. "Congratulations. Really, I'm happy for you."

"You're using the same tone as when Changbin invited us to his sister's wedding and you didn't want to go but you felt bad."

"I still went anyway."

"Yeah, and I had to listen to you bitch and moan about it the entire drive there."

"But seriously, you have no idea how long I've been waiting for this day. Why would anything be wrong?"

He lifted his hand, lifelessly patting his best friend's shoulder, but as much as he tried, it was becoming more obvious that he wasn’t being sincere, and he could see the disappointment written on his face. He flinched as Jisung ran a hand through his hair, exasperation growing on his features. “Minho, if you’re not going to tell me what’s wrong, I’m going to think you aren’t really happy for me.” his words were spoken in a teasing tone, but he could see the obvious concern in his eyes.

"I already told you…"

And the look of hurt in his eyes made him feel the ache of guilt, directly piercing through his skin. He hated that he always burdened him with his problems and made him worry, and he knew _exactly_ what that look in his eyes was. Jisung felt Minho was hiding things from him. But that simply wasn’t the case. After all, how could he hide what he didn’t even know?

Jisung shook his head, dark tendrils moving along with the motion before gently falling into place again over his forehead. “You never tell me anything anymore,” he spoke finally, eyes gazing into Minho's, and this time he couldn't afford to look away. “Why have you been closing yourself off? Why won’t you tell me what’s bothering you? Is it him again?"

And by that, Jisung meant Minho's fiancé. He's fully aware that his friend isn't the least bit fond of Hyunjin. Considering the fact that he hasn't properly met him yet, and that the only concept of Hyunjin he has is that of a neglectful and heartless prick, who also happens to be the reason for Minho's late night breakdowns and decaying sense of self-worth, he doesn't particularly blame him for it.

“I already told you congratulations,” he protested, growing tired of him badgering him about a problem that, to Minho, didn’t exist. “I said I was happy for you, I smiled, I gave you a pat on the back. What more do you want from me?”

“I want you to be honest with me,” he said, eyes staring directly into his.

Minho had never been nervous holding eye contact with Jisung, but the way he was looking at him now was making him nervous, and he knew exactly why. He’d seen that look several times before: on the site of the abandoned playground that was their secret spot, at the theater when they were watching that one movie, and in Jisung's apartment when he’d built that pillow fort  to cheer him up on a night when he dropped by unannounced and crying, and they’d gotten themselves into another one of their tickle fights, only that one had ended with him on top of Minho and Minho staring up at his face.

It was those moments when he looked like he wanted to kiss him.

And those moments when he almost wanted him to go for it.

They were the moments he always locked away, kept close to his heart but refused to touch ever again, because it was those moments that confused him more than he had ever been in his life, more than that one time Changbin decided to own a pet donkey, only for it to end up dumping the biggest shit on his bed. Because he had someone, a man who cared for him, who always tried, but there was also Jisung, who was always there when there were misunderstandings with Hyunjin, when Hyunjin hurt him, whenever he wasn’t in his best of states. There was Jisung.

And he didn’t want to lose him.

Minho knows that just because he’d found someone that he wouldn’t lose his best friend. He even assured Jisung of that plenty of times before, when he broke the news of his engagement. But this was something different. And looking at Jisung now, with his heart on his sleeve, with his eyes a gateway into his thoughts and his feelings and his very soul, everything that he'd always denied but had always known was brought to the forefront of his mind, and  Minho felt like he was hit with a thousand pound truck of his own emotions.

But he couldn’t be honest with him. Not when he's engaged, and not when Jisung was now attached. It wouldn’t be fair to the other people who had unwittingly been dragged into the situation. It wasn’t their fault that neither of them had been honest with themselves when they’d known all along but refused to deal with it because the situation would be too difficult to deal with.

“Minho,” he spoke again, his voice breaking him out of the thoughts. “Say something.”

He looked tired and defeated and Minho wanted to do nothing but to reach out to him, to pull him into one of those hugs that felt like nothing in the world could harm them, but he knows he couldn’t. He couldn’t even move, not when he could see the pleading in his eyes that said more than any words ever could. “Anything.”

_“You’re making a mistake. You’re supposed to be with me.”_

Is what he should have said, and what he should have said all along those times they were together and everything felt right, and what he wanted to say.

"You finally found someone. And I'm really happy for you, Jisung" is what he said instead, and no string of words that has ever left his mouth hurt as much as that did, the gravity of the words weighing him down to the point he could barely stand, and this time he knows Jisung would no longer be there for him to lean on.

He let the idea sink in further, and further, until it was the only thought left in his head.

Not only had Jisung always been there, but he had been _there_ , always keeping him first. Even though the ring on his finger was hard to ignore and the love he has for Hyunjin was grand and great and large and amazing, there was Jisung.

There had always been Jisung..

And now, after saying those words, there wouldn’t be.

He could no longer be confident that he would come before everyone else. He could no longer show up at his doorstep without calling first just to hang out, simply because he wanted to spend time with him. But most of all, he could no longer wonder ' _what if'._

Because there was no ' _what if'_ , only another person who had taken his place.


End file.
